


Illusively Yours

by hholme1995



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:55:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26079853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hholme1995/pseuds/hholme1995
Summary: It may be an unloved ship, it may be a bad ship, but it’s MY ship and I’ll go down with it. It all begins with Shepard making fun of the name “Illusive Man”.
Relationships: Illusive Man | Jack Harper & Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard





	1. You don’t really call him that do you?

“Look I get that it’s his ‘code name’ that’s stuck, but it’s not what you call him in conversation right?” Shepard kicked back in her chair, crossing her legs on the dining table as she sipped her coffee, “oh by the way Mess Sergeant, this coffee is a war crime.” 

“Shepard,” Miranda sighed, with mild exasperation, “we don’t just ‘talk’ with him that’s not how it works.” Shepard eyed her skeptically, finishing her coffee with a scowl. 

“You never stop by his office in the morning-“

“He doesn’t have an office-“

“Okay his little glassy planet room, whatever,” Garrus stifled a laugh, poorly, “you never stop by and say ‘Good morning’ before giving a report?” 

“I didn’t say that.”

“Okay, so what do you call him? You don’t say ‘Good morning Illusive Man’ right?” Shepard stared at her pointedly. 

Miranda was silent and looked down at her coffee, her face twisted into an odd expression. 

“Wait wait, do you seriously call him “Illusive Man” to his face?” Garrus asked, his voice shaking with barely contained laughter. 

“So what if we do?” 

With that, the room exploded into laughter, even Miranda was laughing now, giving into the absurdity. 

“Oh my God,” Shepard howled, “Jack, Jack,” she motioned to Subject Zero, who was lounging in a chair across the table, in an uncharacteristically good mood, “do you think when women are riding his dick they call him ‘Illusive Man’?” Jack guffawed loudly while Miranda choked on her coffee. Shepard took it a step further “I can hear it now,” she laughed, and put on a faux sexy voice “oh yes, yes, right there Illusive Man” she could barely finish speaking as the room descended into hysterics.


	2. She said what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illusive Man: why is Shepard making fun of my dick? 
> 
> EDI: idk but everyone thinks it’s hilarious

“What was she saying EDI?” 

“I believe she was putting on a humorous voice while pretending to have a romantic encounter with you, sir. She seemed to find the image of, and I quote, ‘a woman riding his dick while calling him the Illusive Man’ very funny.” 

“Yes, thank you EDI” 

“The rest of the crew also seemed to find it humorous” 

“Thank you EDI, I get the picture”

“Lewd gestures were also involved and speculation about whether or not you could maintain an erection without using biotics.” 

“EDI, end transmission”


End file.
